I am learning a lot. I realize I must have been raised by wolves (not literally).
First, I am only beginning to realize just how many layers there are in this world, as I am peeling off layer after layer.
I am trying to learn my place, as I am just a teenager (I am 21 years old), but I was never taught what it meant to live, so I never knew to expect these feelings.
I am told this too will pass. I can't help but wish it to pass quickly, although a literal genie would take a few years of my lifespan if it were granted.
I am told that no matter what the circumstances, I must be pleasant to be around.
I can do that much. I just have to learn what people expect from me. That shouldn't be too hard.
I am told that I am blessed with an "old soul," a gift of above-average intelligence, and artistic ability. They must not know I'm trying to be humble (I have self esteem issues).
Well, I'm glad I have everyone's vote! I feel better that everyone thinks so much of me.
I'm not trying to make excuses for my behavior, but I am trying to explain that I have large gaps in my knowledge of the world that get in the way of my communication with my family and friends. I grew up isolated from the world, and was not allowed to join clubs and fraternities that would have helped me gain understanding.
Maybe it's because I'm a teenager, maybe I'm just being a wuss, I don't know, but I feel that having been caged for so long as a ward of the state has stunted my emotional and social growth, and that now I'm making up for lost time.
I can do it, but my family has to understand I'm not some genius kid who can do everything.
I keep being told I'm so fluent, expressive, charismatic, kind, gentle, ...
I do need the emotional support, I apologize.
For those who don't know, this blog is mostly for my family and friends, people who know me.
It is very personal and unprofessional. So read at your own risk.
On a more lighthearted note, I have solidified some plans of mine.
I have chosen the path I will take for spiritual enlightenment.
I have chosen Wicca as my religion, and Neo-Druidic philosophy as an ethical guideline.
I may expand it with some Shamanistic beliefs and practices to expand it, but that should keep me busy.
I have chosen the path I will take for social enlightenment, more or less.
I will join Mensa, as I have been propositioned by them twice. It should not be too difficult to beat their test, I just need sleep and breakfast, and a warm up test.
I think I will specialize in banking and finance (high security stuff) using open source software, and for open source software projects.
That means I will be the one to open a bank specifically for open source and distributed projects, specializing in online and anonymous banking, providing capital to open source projects, and other things I feel is related, such not-for-profit endeavors as greening the ways, churches, covens, and groves, and other efforts that could use capital.
The bank would eventually be pretty large, but would follow a Credit Union model (members only).
That way, one has to have stock (money in the bank) to take out loans, thus loans hurt you too if you don't pay them, and greed hurts you too if you get stingy with the loans.
Since enlightened, productive people are the only ones who bother to do all that's necessary to qualify, members will not ruin it for everyone by tossing liability suits around or other such conflicts.
I am the first to recognize that I have a lot of growing to do, I need to become mature enough to be described as "slow to anger," "dependable," "knows what to do in a crisis," and other such wonderful descriptions.
Since I want to be like that, I have to start working on my issues, and powerlevel past some immaturity. I may do things like go to a costume party and have fun, because, having been raised by wolves, I never got to play dress-up, so I might take up silly hobbies like cosplay.
However, to some cosplayers, it's serious business.
But I can do that on my own time. I have only <40 years of life left, and I need to get cracking!